So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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