when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
