If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
