happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
