I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
