I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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