for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
