I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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