I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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