why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
