I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
