My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
