would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
