ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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