i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
