Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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