And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
