i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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