hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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