Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
