dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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