I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
