It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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