I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
