I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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