Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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