not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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