so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
