it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
