hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
