I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
