so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
