I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
