I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
