My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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