ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
