Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
