Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
