Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
