do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
