I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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