what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
