i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
