The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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