I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
