I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
