On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
