jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
