The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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