We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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