Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
another moral hangover. fuck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
