Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
