they need to just BURY HIM!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
